How do you kill a vampire?
In the past it was easy...you called Buffy or Blade or Van Helsing...they used their swords, their fists, their stakes, their rosaries and holy water.
Now-a-days though...well...it's not so easy. If you called a slayer, would they come?
It seems to me that we've kind of eliminated the need for slayers. We've created these vampires as of late that we seemingly require no protection from. Vampires who only exist to fall in love with us. Vampires who will defend us to the death. And a good thing too because our new vampires have very few weaknesses. They don't believe in religion any more so crosses and holy water are out. They can walk in the sun (sometimes they do so with a ring, sometimes they simply sparkle --barf) so we can't blast them with some ultraviolet. And stakes? Those silly little toothpicks? Yeah, even if you could get close enough, you'd never be able to do it. Why? Because we've got this crazy idea that monsters are simply misunderstood. We've adopted this complacent attitude that everyone (including sparkling vampires) deserve a chance to live...even if they do require blood to sustain life. I mean, they only suck animal blood right? They can control their impulses. Right?
I, for one, think that the slayer has been given a raw deal. Shoved aside in the name of romance and kindness and all things barf worthy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love a good vampire romance (LOVE me some hot, sexy vampires). For goodness sakes...I write vampire romance! But come on, folks! Don't you think it's about time we brought back the slayer?
If we keep romanticizing our villains, one day, when they do turn around and bite us, we'll realize that we've got no one to come to our rescue and no way to defend ourselves. And we'll only have ourselves to blame.
You are so right. It feels like they've de-fanged the genre.
ReplyDeleteThe new slayer wears pink hemp clothing, raffia sandals, and a back-to-front baseball cap. New slayers read poetry and nursery rhymes to the poor misunderstood vampires to draw out their latent feelings of hostility and help them to integrate better into society. The vampires want to be good citizens, and just need to feel loved and understood to break their addiction to blood which is only a misplaced attempt to gain attention.
ReplyDeleteThe next best-selling horror series will be called Bedtime With Vlad - How Horatio Released My Inner Child. *BARF*
We're talking mythology so it's open terrain for interpretation. In my world, vampires look and act like Stephen King's Jerusalem vamps and the modern day 30 Days of Night guys. Monsters, not romantics. Predators can be beautiful and mysterious but we should have no illusions as to their predatory natures.
ReplyDeleteShout out to the slayers. Fuck those vampires up, my friends. Keep me from having to do it. In return, I'll work on the zombie horde.